Journal Entry #3 Overcoming Depression

     I'd like to start out by saying thank you to the couple of people who have taken the time to read my lastest posts. I really appreciate you. I have decided to continue to use this space as a public journal while I deal with my depression. Hopefully it will end up helping someone else. 

    I've come to realize I have let myself fall deep into the pits of depression over the past year. I'll be sharing what I'm doing to work towards overcoming this struggle once again. Due to my past struggles with depression and anxiety I try to notice when I'm beginning to feel the pull of these conditions starting to take hold of me. This time I've let those feelings go unchecked for too long, it's become overwhelming.

    Depression is hard and may look different in everyone, it's not just being sad, it's overwhelming sadness. For me, it's been higher anxiety levels. It's been not having the energy to shower, or clean, or even stay on top of my kids homeschooling as I should. It's stopping my daily routines without even realizing I have. It's losing my temper over the smallest inconvenience. It's feeling like everyone hates me and the world is against me. It's feeling like a failure in everything I attempt to accomplish. 

    In an effort to end this cycle I will be trying to write these public journal entries. I will make sure I do depression based Bible studies every day, I will study the truths my Heavenly Father as given me instead of listening to lies in my head. I will edit my schedule to fit my needs now. Not long after the accident we were in I began using a mental health app to help me set a routine and keep the depression from setting in. This app helped tremendously, I had my to-do list, I had support on hard days, and it was fun. The app really helped a lot over the 6 months I was steadily using it. 

    So far, I've started implementing my plan and I feel good about it. I still have the heaviness of the depression and the anxious thoughts, but I know I have come out the other side before and I will again. My entire life has been a fight with my physical and mental health. I know I'm stronger than I think and when I'm not, God is. He is good. He is love. He will shine His light of truth in all of the dark crevasses of my thoughts and use them to help others. He has a purpose for each of us and I will do my best to follow His plan for my life. 

    I will continue to pray and seek the Lord. If you are reading this, thank you so much. I have prayed for you to find this in your time of need. I pray that God uses my words and story to encourage, help, and guide you. If you need someone to talk to or some encouragement please feel free to reach out, do not fight this battle alone. 

Heavenly Father,

I thank you for leading my life. Thank you for everything you have given me, you always make sure I have what I need. I am sorry that I am not always as grateful as I should be for the life you've given me. I pray that you will continue to care for me just as you do for all your creation. I pray that you will use me to help others and continue to lead me into your truth. 

In Jesus name,

Amen 

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