More of My Story

    I started this blog because I felt led by God to do so. I have heard his voice telling me to share my story for a long time. I explained in my last post that even though i have heard God speak to me,  I haven't always listened. I have been trying to obey Him better. 

    After I quit working in daycare I put off seeing a Dr right a way, like I should have done. What actually happened was in March of 2018 I left the house to go get groceries and supper for that night. At this point you should know we live in a rural area. My son was 4 at the time asked to go with me, I thought it would be great to spend some one on one time together. I put him in the front seat in his booster seat, I knew better, we weren't going too far and I was creating a memory. As we're getting close to the end of our road I see my son playing with his seat belt, pulling his shoulder and lap belts out loose. I tell him he knows he must keep his seatbelt correct or I'll pull over and move him to the back seat where he'll be safer. He tightened his seatbelt back up and started asking why he has to wear his seatbelt. I began explaining that someone may not be driving safe and if his seatbelt wasn't correct he would be hurt. He continued to ask for more explanation when i saw a car coming from the opposite direction and he was losing control. I start hitting the breaks, my son asked why i was stopping thinking i must be putting him in the backseat. We were right in front of a church so i swooped in the parking lot, expecting to need to help the person whose car is sliding all over the road. While me stopping didnt actually stop him from hitting us, I'm certain it would have been so much worse if I hadn't done everything I did. The impact when he hit our still van blew my son's shoes off his feet and spun our van out atleast 4-5 feet maybe more. Time seemed to slow down as i watched the passenger air bag go off and narrowly miss my 4 year olds face. I didn't see or even feel my airbag hit me in the moment. My son was screaming like something was broken, I looked up and saw the driver hanging out of his passenger window, limp, half in the car, half hanging out. I couldn't tell he if he was even alive. I grabbed my now barefoot son while dialing 911. The driver had been "up all night" in his words.he ended up waking up at some point and seemed tp be fine.

    After the accident I finally began seeking medical treatment for my back pain, that's when the scoliosis, degenerative disc, and arthritis waere discovered and I began physical therapy. I knew God was protecting us that day. He made sure I noticed my son's seat belt,  He made certain that i realized the beginning signs of the other car losing control, he had me pull over. It was all so fast i didn't really have control in this situation. My son could have been severely injured or even killed. In this situation God's voice wasnt audible but he did speak to me. He did keep us safe and in one peice.

    Sometimes God is audible when he speaks, other times he speaks to us in different ways, maybe it's visual, maybe its just a peaceful knowing. Another time God wasnt exactly audible but chose to speak to me was when my niece passed away. My niece was more like a sister to me. Her mother, my sister, is 12 years older than I am, she got pregnant at 16 and had my niece 5 days after my 5th birthday. My sister said she was my birthday present and I took that to heart. My sister used to take me every where with them to play with the kids.

    When I was 18 my beautiful niece passed away. It was a very rainy July day, rain was coming down in sheets. My sister was driving home with my niece and youngest nephew, when her SUV hydroplaned, she lost control. They ended up hitting a tree on the side of the road. I was distraught. Why would God take away such a beautiful soul, how could he take a child from my sister. How was any of this just or fair! We all spent that night with my sister and her family. It was still raining so hard. I remember laying in her livingroom floor crying myself to sleep begging God to just tell me why?!?! Everyone else in the livingroom was sleeping. I could hear the rain beating on the roof. I was torn hearing that, on one hand the sound was a haunting reminder to me that it caused the accident. On the other hand hopefully noone would hear my sobs, I didn't want to upset anybody else. I finally drifted off to sleep. 

    The next morning I woke up with that same peace I'd had when Jesus appeared in the church that day. I felt like I'd had a dream but my conscience couldn't remember it. I felt like i had my answers even if I couldn't remember it. What happened next really made me believe this feeling was God. I know this may sound silly to some but its not a message for everyone ❤. When we went to leave that day it was still drizzling, I remembered had rained hard that night. When we had left the hospital it wasn't raining so I had opened my moon roof on my car for air that evening. As mom and i walked out to leave I realized my moom roof had been all the way open all night. I said something like "Man, the cars going to be soaked!". Except when we got to the car it was completely dry, aside from 2 small drops on my middle console, they looked like tear drops. I knew for sure in that moment that God had answered me and i needed to trust him. Because of the closure this allowed me i was able to help several of her close friends move on and get closure as well.   God is always speaking to us even if we dont hear him. Sometimes we just need to slow down and try to hear what he's telling us. I heard something at church this weekend: don't let the world be louder than His Word. God isn't going to talk over the world to speak to you, his voice is quiet but it's always there. Be sure to make time with God. Talk to Him, read His word, really get to know him and ask for him to lead you where he wants you to be. I never thought i would be writing blogs. Honestly I never thought I'd do much of anything, I thought I was just another insignificant person. I am learning God has a plan for all of us and He will use us to His glory!