The Christian Zebra

    I started yesterday and today off by focusing on bible studies for depression and praying. I began using the Finch mental health app again, checking things off my to-do list and using some of their other features to access and help manage my depression symptoms. I also made sure to get out of the house with the kids, we went to pick up their new glasses and spent some time at the park. There were a lot of kids at the with this week being Spring Break for the public schools in the area. We ended up running into a child and his mother from my work, I didn't realize how much I really needed that interaction.      Today we loaded the 2 puppies up and took them to the pharmacy. They love going for rides especially when we stop somewhere with a drive thru because they have learned those places usually have treats for them. They even got to go into the dollar store and pick their own bag of treats on the way home, another favorite puppy activity. It wasn't much but, we've been

     I'd like to start out by saying thank you to the couple of people who have taken the time to read my lastest posts. I really appreciate you. I have decided to continue to use this space as a public journal while I deal with my depression. Hopefully it will end up helping someone else.      I've come to realize I have let myself fall deep into the pits of depression over the past year. I'll be sharing what I'm doing to work towards overcoming this struggle once again. Due to my past struggles with depression and anxiety I try to notice when I'm beginning to feel the pull of these conditions starting to take hold of me. This time I've let those feelings go unchecked for too long, it's become overwhelming.     Depression is hard and may look different in everyone, it's not just being sad, it's overwhelming sadness. For me, it's been higher anxiety levels. It's been not having the energy to shower, or clean, or even stay on top of my kids ho

    I have struggled so much with sadness and depression the last year. It has really effected every aspect of my life. I feel like I screw everything up and fail at everything I try to do. I unintentionally start arguments with my husband, I lose my patience with my children, I get frustrated and lash out. The guilt I feel after these actions is so overwhelming, I can't get my mind of what a bad wife, mother, person in general I am. I have worked so hard to keep these thoughts at bay, to heal my mental health. Most of the time I feel like I do have it under control, but it's been pretty far out of control for at least a year now. At first I told myself it was just sadness caused by a semi truck driver deciding to make my family the target of his road rage.     I told myself that I would get over it, anyone in our situation would struggle with depression. We went from building a business that was finally beginning to take off, to having absolutely no income, no vehicle, nothing

     The last few years have been hard. I have struggled so much with my depression and anxiety. I've been tested and pressed repeatedly. I can feel my Heavenly Father refining me, working in me, and preparing me for something big. I pray that He continues to lead me and show me the way. I've always wanted this space to be a place where I can be real and express my self honestly. I've really never felt like I could do that anywhere, but that was my hope when I began writing my blog. Unfortunately, I don't feel like that is what I have done here. I've tried but honestly I think I've fallen short, just like in everything else I've ever attempted. I've always struggled with feeling confident, this blog is no exception. I've prayed and prayed for God to lead me in what is right here. I still want to encourage others, especially those with chronic illness, like myself. I'm afraid that originally my posts tried to hide some of the struggle I was going

I haven't posted in a while, I really just haven't had the time to sit down and write. I've had lots of ideas, just no time to put into it. I decided I would try to sit down and give a little update on what has been happening in my life recently. If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen that I joined a Physical Therapy Study for hEDS being done at UCA. Unfortunately, I have only been able to participate in one exercise class so far. It was HARD work, but I really enjoyed it and look forward to being able to continue going once I have a reliable vehicle again. In the meantime, I have been trying to get more exercise on my own, by using some of the exercises I learned in that class and by walking. I don't know if anyone else can relate but it is so hard for me to get motivated to exercise by myself. Being able to participate in this study with others that have had similar issues and struggles is amazing! I hope I will have more to tell you about this study in a futu

     Judgement, we’ve all been judged by someone at some point in time for some reason. We’ve all also passed judgement on others, whether you are willing to admit it or not, I’m sure you have. Those of us with chronic illnesses may see more judgement than some other people are privy to. In my life I have witnessed a lot of judgement. Judgement from Doctors that don’t have knowledge or experience with rare conditions. Judgement from peers and family who don’t know, and even some that have known, about the physical problems I’ve suffered. Judgement from people that only see the outside, they don’t see the pain, hear the racing, crazy thoughts depression can cause, the exhaustion that is always there no matter how much sleep you get, the fear of what the future will be for you.                                    I’ve seen others be unfairly judged by people that knew nothing about them. I witnessed a lot of judgement aimed at my mother after she was diagnosed with Early Onset